In February I decided to fork this blog. I started taking part in WP’s Weekly Writing Challenges, and the topics didn’t feel to fit into this originally more technical focused blog. Back then it felt to be the right choice to split. Looking at the recent posts here, the technical focus seems to be lost anyway and since I haven’t published anymore posts over there, I decided to merge the content back into this blog and delete the other.
So here comes the first post I published over there. I adapt the content as it feels necessary.
The Lazy Crazy Bruno
I wrote this post in response to the weekly writing challenge at Daily Press. The topic for this time is: Tell us about a character in your life.
This challenge is a tough one and I don’t like it.
Actually I think I’m quite good at reading people and understanding their reasoning. It happens by itself, that I look through their protective shells and find the weak spots of their souls. One might argue that this can be a skill worthwhile to possess, and it indeed is, sometimes. At the same time it is harder for me to see and acknowledge positive characteristics. I’m programmed, may it be through genes or education, to look for the inner workings and especially the flaws of people as well as in things. That explains why I have so much fun in reverse engineering soft- and hardware, identifying the weak spots, imagining how a better version would look like, as well as trying to actually make that better version (if I think I have the time and the skill to do it).
Regrettably there is also this mean thing living inside of me. If I don’t keep it under control, it awakes and keeps on pounding on the weak spots I have found, just for the fun of driving them to the edge of loosing control. It is my mean self, usually buried deep within, that comes out and pisses people of. Naturally this really offends them and ultimately drives them away. During my school years I somewhat learned to keep myself at bay … to bury it even deeper. Nevertheless there are still moments, usually very very stressful moments, when I feel the fire rising and my mind focuses on destroying my foe, with well articulated, logical valid, verbal attacks, aimed at the vulnerable spots of his soul.
In the normal day to day life, I try to ignore the inherent pull to look deeper at people and their flaws. I try to simply take them for the mask they present me. Those masks display usually only the good parts, even a little bit polished up. But that avoids much hassle. I feel more liberal. I easily can work with people I would have tantalized when I was much younger. Also, with the age came the realization, that there are no absolutely sane and stable people out there, everyone has his packages to carry and some minor and major weaknesses.
Now I’m challenged to write about a character, a person I know. I don’t feel able to do this. I fear to hurt someone. I could focus on the good qualities. But, that feels wrong, too. I’m not that way. I don’t butter someone up. And simply redrawing the masks they wear, feels wrong as well.
Writing about my younger brother, came to my mind. He is the most well-versed person regarding my ‘style’. But it is one thing to make a verbal insult in the heat of the fight and a totally different thing to calmly, slowly write all bad habits, poor characteristics and quirks down for everyone to read. Things that better stay hidden, tend to be the ones that Google turns up first. I don’t dare to harm our quite good relationship. Even if the chance that he will ever read this and misinterpret my picture of him, is really slim.
I could only muster to write about, why and how my own nasty character prohibits me to write about someone else’s. The challenge is targeted to real persons and fictitious characters – who arguably wouldn’t care – are sadly not allowed. So, I must resign. At least I did write something.
PS: I’m trying my best to be a nice guy. Like with anybody else, I see the worst parts of myself first. But I guess I have some good qualities, too. They are simply not so obvious to me and I don’t butter myself up, either.
PPS: You might wonder about the title. I thought about describing the character of our tomcat called Bruno. He really wouldn’t care. But that felt really silly, I nevertheless like the title, so I kept it.